Spending Hazard in Hall

I grew bored one night last week at the Boar’s Nest while I was waiting for Daisy to finish her shift and I started thinking about the vast amount of blight that exists in Hazzard.  There doesn’t seem to be any shortage of old houses and abandoned businesses clogging up space, that’s for sure.  A bunch of its about as ugly as Lulu in a pair of Daisy’s shorts!!  Now that’s fugly folks!!

But why are we tearing these things down?  I like tearing stuff up just as much as the next rotten scoundrel and I know I’m not alone.  In a July 2012 article that can be found here: http://citiwire.net/columns/in-shrinking-cities-preserving-existing-buildings-can-stem-the-loss/ this smarty pants lady notes that mayors tend to favor demolition of vacant or blighted properties because it is an easier use of funding than creating incentives for redevelopment of the existing buildings.

Some city officials, like Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory, however, see it different and find more possibilities for redevelopment and repopulation in historic structures.  That big city mayor tries to work with community organizations to renovate empty properties and bring people back to his city.  Last time I was in Cincinnati to visit Cletus at the Mayo Clinic (he had some nasty back problems that needed fixin), I could see why they would need to bring people back to the city.

Our cities here in Hazzard seem to be taking to the Slash and Burn theory of city redevelopment.  Most recently, Flowery Branch tore down that ugly hodgepodge of rusted out metal that took up the whole downtown.  No pun intended but that place was a hazard!  Still, this fella has to question the logic there.  Since Daisy had to run some wings to Cooter before she locked up that night at the Boar’s Nest, curiosity got the better of me – either that or I was just tired of looking at the framed photo of Boss Hogg above the juke box.  Either way, I started researching all the money that city has spent on “projects” downtown and I about fell off my bar stool without help from my Budweiser!  Rough estimates seem to put the figure at around $1.3 million dollars!

$1.3 million dollars!!  Are you serious?  Now I didn’t even know they had that kind of money down there in “The Branch”!!  From the looks of that City Hall, I’d never know.  And I’m sure that figure doesn’t count the money Boss skimmed off the top for his wing tip shoe fetish.  $1.3 million dollars and what does that city have to show for it?  I bet a bunch of grass and paper plans on a dusty shelf.

What if Flowery Branch took the lead of cities like Cincinnati and had given that money to budding entrepreneurs to rehab and actually populate downtown instead of turning it into meadows for grasshoppers and cockroaches?  Apparently the private sewer system they bought would’ve already been done and completed for $1.3 million dollars.  A new bonafide dookie plant could have already been bought and paid for!!  Alrighty then!  Now I’ll take a new dookey plant any day over the trash I find when I go to that downtown.

Thank God Daisy came back from Cooters and was ready to lock up.  I was starting to feel my temper flair up again.

— Dukes of Hall County

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